Kodak Moment

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. 

 Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 

Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Luke 12:6-7

Kodak Moment
Morning came quickly and the team was up and ready to get on our way.  We were concerned that Esther's mom would have once again changed her mind so it was our intent to get to the village before dawn.  We still needed to pick up yet another family member and get the signature of the village chief.  As we raced against time across the dirt roads to pick up the family member we were reminded once again that indeed this mission was pulling out every ounce of fortitude we had.  After picking him up in his village we had a choice to make.  Turn left and once again head down the land mine road or turn right and go the long way which would cost us much valuable time and we could risk missing Esther.  We discussed this amongst ourselves and agreed, " Land Mine Road" was it.  We took off down the muddy road, this time speeding against the clock.  The truck was bouncing and sliding all over the road and I joined my Cambodian team member in closing my eyes and praying hard!  I have decided I really hate land mines!  ALOT!

We found the home of the village chief and dragged him out of bed to sign our papers.  I am not sure if that is even okay or acceptable in this culture but there he was in his shorty shorts, hair a mess, sitting at the table with our team leader signing our official paperwork.  I wish I had a real picture of this but trust me, it was quite a sight.   We raced to Esther's house and burst out in joy to find her there.  Her mother had washed her up and was ready to send her with us.  We quickly got her in the truck and once inside with doors locked I think I breathed for the first time that morning!  The funny thing was the mother climbed into the back of the truck.  Oh heck no she didn't!  But....yes she did.  Apparently we had to deliver all signed paperwork to the family home and we were to deliver Esther's mother with it so off we went.  Esther in the front of the truck, mother in the back staring in the window.  Not funny. As we drove away with Esther, the villagers who had silently watched her nightmare for so many years came out to wave and say goodbye to her, calling her by name.  Bye Bye Esther.  It is said that it takes a village to raise a child but in this case it took a little child to raise this village to a new understanding of compassion and love.      
After jumping through what seemed like a thousand hoops we pulled up to the family home and delivered the papers as well as Esther's mother.   The really cool thing that happened next was that the whole family walked out.  Esther's mom and her three adult children, all who had previously rejected her and had not showed an ounce of care for Esther walked up to the truck and asked if they could take a family picture.  Yes, you heard right, a FAMILY picture.  Okay, just seeing them all line up side by side with little Esther in front brought tears to my eyes.  Reconciliation of this family is happening.  They were going to keep Esther's mom there and you could tell she was elated.  She was actually happy to send Esther with us to her new home and the whole situation took on a new perspective.  They clearly saw a new value in  Esther and were excited about the possibilities for her future.  Esther, this little one who was never even given a name, who was never given a thought for her care, and was looked at as merely a commodity all of a sudden stood with her entire family behind her and had the most wonderful Kodak moment I think I have ever seen.  I quickly shot a picture of them and will keep this close to my heart as a reminder that God is not finished with this miracle.
 I believe that Esther is the first of many special needs children who have been so neglected and abused in a culture that does not understand their value. I believe she will be a voice for them and her story will break through cultural boundaries and open the prison doors for many, many children just like her.  I believe there will be healing in this family and they will one day be a part of the story telling.
As we drove away from the family home, I finally let myself cry tears of joy over this child bouncing around in the back seat with me.  We had a full day ahead of us in the car with this little peanut.  She was feeling safe and happy, talking away  and excited for her trip.  I have taken so many pictures  throughout this journey but the picture of Esther finally passing out from exhaustion on the way to her new home and sprawled out in Kristens lap in the backseat...right after she peed on her...will be one I will forever hold dear.
Ha Ha...all I can think to say is we serve a God who sees every sparrow that falls.  He sees every tear that we ever cry.  He sees our joy and our pain and He holds our future in his oh so capable hands.
I am beyond thankful to be only a small part of Esther's story and  so privileged  to have been able to tell about it.  My prayer is that you would tell it as well to anyone who will listen.  If enough of us speak of it, I believe that light and truth will begin to burst forth and we will see the end of this dark night of child trafficking.
As for me, well I am home now, recuperating from several days of no sleep, long airplane rides and really bad food.  My body aches a bit and I somewhere along the 20 hours of plane travel, my feet and ankles grew to be twice their normal size. No more Pringles for me! The beginning of my varsity season of life has really started with a bang and I am not sure what else is in store for this old bird but whatever it is I am jumping in with both swollen feet and heart filled with hope and expectation.

Love from home,

Julie

Esther's Song:    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKuEwf9W1cQ

Release

"But a certain Samaritan, who was on a journey, came upon him; 

and when he saw him, he felt compassion,

Luke 10:33

Release
All the players that needed to be assembled gathered at Esther's village.  My heart dropped as we rounded the curve and I saw that her home was not locked up as it had been the past few days.  Esther was in the village.  Thank you God!
The mother saw us and immediately withdrew to hide but eventually she was compelled to sit and talk with us.  Her family and the government case worker started discussions while the rest of us kept the kids and the demon possessed aunt busy.  After a heated discussion, the decision was made that we were to leave without Esther.  The mother clearly did not want to let go of her.  When I heard this every cell in my body cried out at this injustice.  I looked at the team leader who had stayed back with me and we both said in agreement...NO WAY!  We do not accept this answer and we are not leaving without the child.  We then decided it was time to enter the conversation.  I held back just a bit, fighting with my own insecurity.  Should I go over and try to talk with the mother? What difference could I possibly make?  I don't belong here?  Now, thankfully the protector in me decided to fight the insecurity and I walked over to the discussion.  I could see the women all circled around the mother who was seated in a hammock hanging below a raised hut.  She was crying and repeating over and over that she would not give up Esther.  Now as I walked up I was immediately aware of her daughter who had come with the family group.  Esthers mom had been estranged from her adult children for a while and though they were all present, none of them seemed to be the least bit compassionate about her struggle.  Okay, understandably so, but they did not have knowledge of the extent of the child abuse issues so understanding that, I saw that it was strange to see them so clearly emotionless at her tears.  I felt immediately compelled to move past the crowd, kneel in the mud beside her and wrap my arms around her.  She didn't understand my words, but she understood my touch.  I said I was so sorry she was afraid to be alone.  I told her I understood the fear of not being able to provide for herself.  I held her and whispered a prayer from deep within my spirit in her ears.  At this point, the miraculous began to happen.  The daughter was moved with compassion for her mother and the whole atmosphere shifted.  Tears welled up in the daughters eyes and she began to speak more compassionately to her.  After about two minutes the mother grabbed Esther's hand and gave her to our team leader!  Miraculous!
There was still much to do, papers to sign, negotiations for how much she was able to see Esther in the future etc. etc.
At one point I looked over at the team leader who is still a young woman yet so wise and wonderfully gifted at this ministry, sitting in the dirt with an Apple computer open, patiently detailing the agreement and in the background I could see Kristen our teenage Canadian Missionary playing Monkey in the middle with the demon possessed aunt who was barking and growling.  I thought of course...this is just another day in the kingdom right!  Everything seemed to be going well until the mother demanded to go with Esther to her new home!  UGH!  Yes that pretty much describes how we felt.  That and are you kidding me?  We managed to get her to agree to spend only one more night with Esther and the next day she was to release her to us.  It was one of the hardest things we had to do...even harder than driving down a road with land mines but we left that day without Esther trusting her once more to the care of our heavenly father.  I held her and prayed for her that God and his heavenly host of angels would protect her and then gave her back to her mother.
There was still much to do, several hours more of driving from town to town, printing contracts, getting signatures, discussing with every family member the details of Esther's release.  It was after midnight when we finally pulled up to the hotel.  We knew that we had to be up before daylight so that Esther's mother would not have a chance to cross the border with her again so exhausted and hungry after our dinner, which included pringles and some really bad chocolate chip cookies, we fell into bed and tried to get a few hours of sleep.
Tired seemed to be the key word here but sleep for me, was impossible.  I stayed up all night praying that Esther would be safe and thankfully, so many of you stayed up with me.  The texts and emails from family and friends poured in and I knew that a great cry was going up to heaven on behalf of little Esther.  I have never felt so supported with love and prayer as those few hours.
You see, I think this was really the key to Esther's release.  The mother needed to feel understood and supported.  Her brokenness, rejection,  fear,  and loneliness were what drove her to do what she did and when those issues were addressed, she found the courage to let go.  Now I in no way condone her actions but I understand her pain.  Release came when she was surrounded with a spirit of compassion and acceptance not for her behavior but for her.  I am not sure what will happen with the family but it was at least nice to see the beginning steps of reconciliation.  I believe it is in Esther's best interest for her mother to heal, for the family to mend as well,  and for the generations of hatred and darkness that have plagued them to finally come to an end.  This is the beginning of the more we can ask for or imagine miracle of Esther's release.

Love from the road,

Julie

Endure

And do not forget to do good and to share with others, 

for with such sacrifices God is pleased.

Hebrews 13:16

Endure...
I knew a time would come when I would be faced with a decision.  What am I really willing to risk to save Esther?  What discomfort to provide for hers?  What danger would I face to see her protected.  On a small scale the events of the day o Esther's freedom really challenged our whole team to decide if any cost would be too great and would we even risk our lives to save hers.  I have to say, it sounds like a no brainer right.  Sitting here at my office desk, far removed from the danger or discomfort of those decisions it is easy to say, of course I would do anything.  I think I would have answered those questions that way in a heartbeat if anybody would have asked me BUT when the time came to actually walk that out I realized just how strong the human desire for comfort and safety in me really is.

The morning we were assembling all of the players to get Esther I had to make a decision.  I was scheduled to fly home later that afternoon and knew that if I did not change my flight I would not be able to be present.  Now most of you know me, I have no problem flying all over the world but there are a few things, old lady things, that I just seem to need in order to keep my sanity on those long flights.  One of those being I am an airplane seat snob.  The other being I hate to book flights with unrealistic connection times knowing that most likely I will get stuck in some airport for the evening if things do not go perfectly smooth.  I had called my husband to have him check to see how much it would cost me to change my flight.  Normally it would be pretty much an arm an a leg but miraculously I was actually able to change my flight and got exactly $13 back.  That is unheard of. The problem was I had to give up my really good seat on the flight I was originally scheduled to fly on and take my chances on a last minute flight that was close to being sold out and one that I would most likely have to run to catch the connection or get stuck somewhere in Asia.  I know, some of you are probably thinking come on Julie really? Save the hate mail.... I get that,  but this blog is about recording the journey as it honestly played out so I admit, I had to think about it.  I was trying to convince myself that I was okay not being there but I knew better.  I heard God say, what are you willing to endure for this.  Can you trust me.  After about 3 seconds of contemplation I did realize there was nothing that could keep me from staying on  and so the hubby was given the green light to change the flight.  We hopped in the truck, headed out to get the uncle which turned into the aunt along with the entire family.  We were all packed in the back of a pickup truck so tightly there was no room to move.  The weather was scorching and we sat for over an hour staring at people we have never met before wrapped together in spaghetti like contortions on the bed of the truck. It was hilarious.  Again, I have a really big space bubble so I am still laughing at the memory of that truck ride.  But what was I willing to endure right?
We had to make a bit of a detour to pick up yet more of the family on the way out to the village. By this time, I had moved inside the truck and left the muddy, bouncy dirt road back of the truck ride to the younger folks.  After taking the detour we found ourselves on a road barely wide enough to be called a road and clearly very rarely traveled.  The Cambodian team member then announced to us that this road was not safe at all and that it was actually a road with land mines.  By this time, we were committed and could not turn around.  It had recently rained so the road was very soft and muddy which is the very worst conditions for tripping a land mine...great.  I was even more concerned when the Cambodian team member closed her eyes and began to pray.  What would you be willing to endure Julie?  Land Mines? Discomfort?  Heat? Fear? Panic? Trauma?  Clearly an exaggeration but you get the picture right.  As we drove down the mine road, I was reminded of a dear friend of ours who did several tours in Iraq.  One of his jobs for a season was to drive the chaplain around from base to base.  He told us that every time he had this guy in the truck, they got blown up by a roadside explosive yet nobody was ever hurt.  It actually became a joke with them.  The chaplain is in the car so expect to be blown up!  In a really strange and somewhat demented way this comforted me so I felt compelled to share it with the team.  " Don't worry this guy I know used to get blown up all the time when he drove the chaplain but nobody ever got hurt!"  I am not sure it brought much comfort but contemplating the magnificence of God's protection in similar circumstances seemed like a good strategy to keep my mind off the LAND MINES!  Everyone took a deep breath when we finally made it to safety but I couldn't stop thinking about the question, " What are you willing to endure?"  How much of your life are you willing to lay down for someone you barely know?" What injustice are you willing to fight for even if it means you pay the price?  Tough questions I know.  I also thought about how many times back home, I was too busy to stop for the one.  I only had a few minutes to get into and out of the grocery store.  I don't want the inconvenience of driving way out to visit someone in need on my only night off?  I can't find the time to return a phone call?  Convicting right?  I wasn't able to really think too deeply about it but now that I am home, far away from that road, I am compelled once again to answer those same questions.  What are you willing to endure for the privilege of serving others?  It is my hope that I would begin to live with a greater awareness of that question and be able to offer up my comfort as a sacrifice to God so that I can be of greater service to others.
A side note about that flight....I arrived at the airport to find that oh by the way, we put you on an earlier ( more expensive) flight at no cost, upgraded your seat to one that reclines and now you will not have to worry about making that connection.  See....God will be a debtor to no one.  That's how he rolls!
I love it!

Love from the road,

Julie

Fire

I am posting several blogs in the next day or two so make sure to check to see if you missed any.

 You make known to me the path of life; 

you will fill me with joy in your presence, 

with eternal pleasures at your right hand. 

Psalm 16:11

Fire
I mentioned in my last post that while we were with the government worker it just so happened that an opportunity popped up that allowed us to sew into our relationship.  I have to take this moment to share with you what happened.
On our way out to speak with Esther's family, the case worker received a call from her office saying that a village near the border area, where some of our border kids live, had a fire break out and three families lost everything and were left completely homeless.  When she hung up the phone she explained to us that she needed to try to find a way to provide food, clothing and some temporary shelter for them.  There were twelve children affected by the fire.  Now it just so happened that before I left for this trip, many of my friends and family members generously gave donations to the mission and I knew instantly that this was one of the things I was supposed to help with.  The case worker was overjoyed when I offered to help the families.  What would it take?  Rice? Clothes?  Supplies to get them on their feet again.  No problem.  God had prepared this in advance!
After speaking with Esther's family we decided to regroup the next day and head out to her village together which left the rest of the evening to deal with the fire.  We went to the marketplace and bargained for one hundred pounds of rice, oil, canned meat and supplies for temporary shelter.  These loaded in the back of the truck, we set out again on the hour drive back to the village.  Kristen and I decided since we had to ride in the back of the truck in the Cambodian heat we would make a bed out of the rice which is by the way the only way to ride in the back of a truck in complete comfort.  We fell fast asleep on our rice bed secure in knowing that we were indeed walking out the path that God had laid  before us.
When we arrived at the village and saw the devastation we were so moved with compassion for these families.  A puddle of black soot and mud was all that was left of three homes.  As we got off the truck and assembled the families and the twelve kids everyone began to point at one little boy about four or five years old.  He did look a bit squirly so their cries of, " He did it" kind of made me laugh a bit.  Of course he did!
We distributed the food and took a quick survey of the kids so that we could buy and bring back clothes for them.  Lots of Girls a few older boys, a newborn baby all with only the clothes on their backs.  Now, it just so happened that before I left ( you see a pattern here)  I had stopped by Old Navy and after telling the story of the kids here in Poipet, the manager gave me a discount to purchase a bunch of clothes for the border kids.  When the twelve border kids morphed into 40 I was bummed that I did not have enough for everybody and wasn't sure what I was going to do.  I hate to give to some and not others.  As I surveyed the kids affected by the fire, I remembered the duffle bag of clothes back in my room.  Clothes for about twelve kids right?  Of course there is.  I thought I had just enough and needed only to run to the market place for a few more little girl clothes...so many girls!
The next morning we pulled up in the village with the clothes, lined up the kiddos and began the distribution.  Imagine our surprise when we discovered that a few of the little girls in dresses were actually little boys!  We laughed so hard and in the end, the little boys were content to receive the clothes we gave them even if they were a tad girlie.  It did just so happen that as I was buying them, I was prompted to get outfits that were a bit more generic.  I was not sure why I was drawn to these at the time but it seems like this is the trip of the just so happens so of course we had just enough not only for the kids but for the parents.
In the end, it was a beautiful way to assist families in need, strengthen a key partnership in this effort to rescue the children and hey, while I was in the village one little boy taught me something called Gangnam Style.  Now you all know this is a worldwide phenomena but I am a bit sheltered and apparently  had to travel to a remote village in Cambodia to get caught up with pop culture!  Anyways, the case worker was thrilled, the families were so appreciative of our help and me, well I got to do what I love to do the most...feed children.

Love from the road,

Julie

Keys

And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: 

and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: 

and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

Matthew 16:19 

Keys
Driving away from Esther's village that first day was nothing short of frustrating.  I was fighting fear and discouragement in a big way as I came face to face with the realization that our best efforts still left us in such a powerless position. At this point it seemed the mom was still in control of Esther's future and if she decided to leave and not return with Esther there was not much in the natural we could do.
Before I left the strangest thing was happening. I was finding little brass keys everywhere.  On the floor beneath my seat in church as I worshipped.  In front of the podium I preach at on Monday nights, in my office and in my bedroom at home.  When I arrived in Thailand my roomie even found one on the floor of the hotel room.  When she picked it up the revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. There are keys that God has given me which will open the doors to freedom.  I knew that this trip was going to be about strategy and that if I would remember to seek God answers to the challenges I would face, I would receive heavenly strategy to open locked doors.
As we drove away that day, God reminded me of those keys.  My heart was encouraged to say a silent prayer that God would reveal the strategy and immediately he brought to mind the family of Esther's mom.  I knew that they would be a critical key in Esther's freedom.  Now the family situation is a complete puzzle in and of itself and would take more than an entire blog to explain but suffice it to say that Esther and her mom and the demon possessed aunt had all been banished from the family circle.Through a miraculous course of events a few months earlier the head of the family and Esther's older children had been found and they were in favor of Esther's freedom.  I immediately knew that their presence would be critical.  Later on as our team assembled over a cup of coffee, we prayed and discussed this first key to our puzzle.  We opened the word and God began to lead us in heavenly strategy. Every team member seemed to have a key to the solution and as we shared our hearts were once again encouraged and hope sprang forth.  I was reminded of a recent message that I gave on the book of Micah.  There was a passage from Micah 6:4, " "Indeed, I brought you up from the land of Egypt And ransomed you from the house of slavery, And I sent before you Moses, Aaron and Miriam."  As I shared this with the team we all knew in our heart of hearts that several people had to come together at one time, in one place to see this happen.  Moses, the representative of the nation of Israel and the law, Aaron, the representative of the priesthood and advocate of the people before God, and Miriam the representative of the prophetic voice.  We were certain that this meant, the government official that was responsible for the case, the head of the family who represented the priesthood, and us.  We represented the prophetic voice of Esther's life.  We immediately knew what had to be done. We contacted the government case worker and it just so happened that she would be available for whatever we needed. We picked her up, jumped in the truck and drove out to the family home one hour away in hope that they would see us and agree to join us in our effort.  God gave us favor and clear passage with both parties and we planned to meet up the next day and head out to Esther's village praying to God she would be there. On the drive out to the family home, I kept hearing God say that this woman, the government case worker was a strategic partnership here is Poipet and held keys to open the doors of freedom in so many areas.  On our drive out it just so happened that an opportunity popped up for us to partner with her on another project and God allowed us to sew into this relationship in a beautiful way.  But...that is another blog!  For now, we had strategy, we had hope, and we believed with all of our heart that God had given us the keys to secure Esther's freedom....more to follow....

Love from the road,

Julie

Demons

In all these things we are more than conquerors 

through him who loved us.

Romans 8:37

Demons
Out at Esther's village there is a woman who wanders about in a tortured state of mind.  The children are frightened of her, the villagers pity her, but it seems they have no idea what to do with her.  The first day we went to the village to try to get Esther, she hovered around us sneering, glaring and clearly angry that we were there.  I watched her sit a short distance away from us cursing and mocking  as we tried to figure out what to do.  One of our team members just has this incredible gift of discernment and she mentioned that she thought this woman might be the one who had been giving bad counsel to Esther's mother.  She was completely correct.  Turns out that she is actually the aunt to Esther and was truly unhappy about our presence. We felt so strongly that we needed to confront her about the situation with Esther and boy did we ever get more than we bargained for.  We initiated a conversation with her to simply ask her what she was angry about.  She began to growl and roll her eyes back in her head and told us that she was angry about losing her land...Esther was her land.  Now I know there are many camps when it comes to things like this but I just have to say what we saw.  This poor tortured soul was as possessed as I have ever seen.  It had potential to be quite a freek out moment but I was truly peaceful and calm.  The more she manifested the calmer I became.  At one point she grabbed me and I could feel her attempting to curse me.  I simply looked straight in her eyes and began speaking words of love over her. She continued to growl with   eyes rolling back in her head and I continued to speak to her about Jesus and His love.  When she finally let go of me she went after Kristen our 19 year old rock star team member.  Kristen continued speaking words of love and suddenly we could feel her breaking.  The intense anger and hatred seemed to subside and she actually smiled at us.  In the days to follow we would seek her out as soon as we arrived.  We were met with hugs and smiles instead of growling and hatred so we know something broke within her.  She was still manifesting a strong demonic presence but somehow with us, she was different.  We realized that anytime she got even near Esther's mom, the atmosphere would shift and Esther's mom would become  belligerent and angry so we decided that Kristen would have to be in charge of her so that we could speak in peace.  Kristen really felt that she should relate to the little child in this woman and so she included her in the kids games. At first the children were really afraid but eventually they warmed up and at one point I looked over to see Kristen fully engaged in a game of keep away...with this woman in the middle laughing, still growling a bit but having a great time.  The kids were letting her play even though it was just a tad scary.  The beautiful thing is that she also changed her mind about letting Esther go!
There is so much to be done in her heart.  At this point she cannot even say the name of Jesus and cannot answer when you ask her if she wants to be free of her torment.  You can tell she is trying to answer but this is deep stuff.  The cool thing is that we were able to really see a childlike beauty in her and will continue to pray over her and for her in the future.   Getting Esther to freedom is truly the number one goal of ours but the restoration and healing in this family is also a huge priority. This week she learned a lot about love..the God kind of love, the love that does not fear.  It not only changed her...it changed us.  Before I left the village on our last visit, she held my hand and  asked her  if we could be friends.  She smiled a huge toothless smile and nodded her head.  I hugged her and told her she would be free one day.  I cannot believe the compassion that rose up inside me over this poor woman but that is so God.  I have every reason to hate her.  She is partly responsible for Esther's mistreatment, but I have one reason to love her...because God loved her first and gave His life for her freedom.

This woman was an important key to Esther's release and I believe that along with Esther, she will also know true freedom very soon.

Love from the road,

Julie

Rescue part 1

 

“Thus says the Lord of hosts: If you will walk in my ways and keep my charge, then you shall rule my house and have charge of my courts, and I will give you the right of access among those who are standing here.

Zechariah 3:7

Because of the events of the last few days, I am a bit behind on posting blogs.  I should be caught up soon please continue to follow as the story of Esther's freedom finally gets told!
!

If you have followed me on Facebook, you probably know by now that Esther is safe. There  is a lot  to say about how this all came about and because I want so much to give God all of the praise for this, I will try my best to describe the

miraculous chain of events that led to her freedom.

 A few days ago, we headed out to Esther's village to try once again to get her mom( formerly known as grandma) to sign the papers and release her.  We were extremely concerned that mom had been threatening to take Esther out of the country and much prayer was being lifted up for Esther's safety.  The drive out to the village is a doozy and the bumps and ruts in the road make for a while ride in the back of a pickup truck but we hung on with spirits full of anticipation that we would finally be bringing her home.  As we rounded the corner to the village our stomachs dropped when we saw Esther's house locked up tight.  We learned that the mom had taken her out towards the  border to collect wood.  It sounded a bit shady to us but we decided to wait a bit.  The children in this village are really great and we had packed some snacks and crafts for them to do.   We had time to wait.  At some point one of the villagers offered to take us out into the fields to look for her.  Being a bit of a rule follower I wouldn't normally take off across a formerly known mine field but we were desperate and our guide seemed to be certain if we walked in his footsteps we would be okay and avoid any danger. No arguments there, I would have road piggy back if he would have let me!  He had obviously been this way many times before us and he instructed us where to walk and where, "not to walk because police shoot you if think you steal wood! "  He didn't have to tell me twice. His word was as good as gold to me. Funny how trust can be built so quickly when you realize how little you really know about a situation.  After a bit of searching we realized that our worst fears may be coming true and that Esther had indeed been taken out of the country.  To be honest I returned a bit deflated and discouraged but I knew that I knew God would not have brought us this far, through miracle after miracle to find Esther just to have it end this way.  I knew there was more to this than I understood at the moment and God began to encourage my heart to trust Him..to persevere...don't give up..keep looking..follow his steps because He always knows the way.  The bible teaches us that God goes before is and he prepares a way where we see no way.  Kind of like that guide taking us across that field.  We decided to trust that God is our perfect guide and so we said a prayer for Esther's protection and returned home to regroup and seek our next steps.  We had no idea what the strategy was at that moment but God did so we decided to stick close to Him and follow His steps fully trusting that we and Esther would be okay.

One of the really beautiful things about serving God is knowing that He doesn't just point and send you even in the dark and scary places, He goes before you and beckons you to simply walk in His steps.  Stay close!

Love from the road,

Julie

PB&J

Psalm 37:23 (ESV)
The steps of a man are established by the LORD, when he delights in his way;

PB&J
On my last trip here to Poipet I met and fell in love with the border kids.  There were about twelve of them who hung around the border area and in my opinion, these were the most "at risk" group of kids in the city.  There were six who I got to know very well.
I returned to find that the original six had grown to about twenty and that twenty seemed to grow to thirty before my eyes.  I had originally budgeted to feed them while I was here. Taking twelve out to lunch is a real challenge but do-able.  Taking thirty...impossible!
Part of the whole success of on the ground missions is to seek  creative strategies and solutions that will work in the culture you are trying to reach. As westerners, there is so much we take for granted. Take for instance the simplicity of a pb&j sandwich.  In the west, it is our go to, just grab it, simple solution for a meal.  Here in Cambodia, bread, at least the type you make a pb&j with is hard to find so my suggestion, "lets just keep it simple and make pb&j sandwiches" was met with great excitement.  Apparently, the type of bread used to make a simple PB&J is only eaten once a year during holiday here and is a pretty big deal.  That type of bread is not sold just anywhere, but we were committed to " project peanut butter and jelly"  so the hunt was on.
We finally found the bread but apparently, there is another thing that is not so easy to find here in Poipet, sandwich bags and lunch bags.  After driving to several markets and striking out on the plastic element our Cambodian team member announces to us that she thought she knew where there was a stash of baggies back at the old mission center.  The group here had recently moved their base to a different city and the building was being occupied by a church.  All supplies had been moved to the new location but as the team member said, when she was packing up she saw this bag  and left it thinking that it was needed here for some future outreach.  Of course it was!
We drove her to the building and sure enough she found the bag she had left,  which contained not only sandwich bags but little lunch bags just the perfect size for our sack lunches!  I love it when a plan comes together.   We created a makeshift assembly line in the lobby of the Ly Heng Chay hotel and made up forty eight lunches.  Did I mention that the thirty had now grown to forty?  We were all so excited to drive the truck full of sack lunches to the border area and "Operation peanut butter and Jelly" became the best tailgate party ever.  Forty must have grown into 48 because every lunch was given out.
Every time I am with the kids I learn a little  bit  more about them.  I believe it is impossible to  solve  a problem like caring for them unless you understand the ground level challenges they face every day. What are the cultural issues keeping them on the streets? What are the spiritual strongholds and lies they believe about themselves that prevent the expansion of their vision beyond the immediate?  What are the challenges their parents face everyday. Many of these questions were answered for me over a pb&j today and the plan for change  is becoming more clear.
Without this knowledge,  trying to tackle the problem with even tried an true solutions is a bit like offering the , " lets just keep it simple and do pb&j solution."  Sounds great in theory, might work in California,  but the practical application might not be feasible in the culture the kids are living in.  I am thankful for the time I have with the kids and already dreading the goodbyes.

Love from the road,

Julie

Crossing

Crossing
The drive from Pattaya to the Cambodian border was filled with such excitement. I could not wait to get back to Poipet and see my kiddos. The situation with Esther is still quite challenging and I hoped  the border kids would be so encouraged to see us. I just wanted to get there and roll up my sleeves to help.
We arrived midday, it is the hot season here now and the long immigration process was in front of us when we saw the first kid.  Little Ly.  Standing pretty much right where we left him.  We called his name and when he recognized him, he came running.  Huge smile big hugs.  It was so good to see him.  One child after the other realizing we were here came running.  They assembled at the immigration entry point into Cambodia.  Wen we finally walked through we all erupted in such joy.  Little Wii came running, tears in her eyes as she saw Kristin.  She stopped in front of her and put her hands up to Kristin's face feeling it as if to say, it's really you and then just jumped in her arms.  The kids all cheered.  It was awesome.  I was so thankful that all our kids were accounted for and I was able to put my eyes on them. Some looked the same but my heart just grieved that some looked really bad.  It was clearly visible in their appearance and their mannerism.  They were filthy, and very aggressive.  They looked drugged.
I noticed that the dozen or so kids had grown into about thirty kids.  Many were new to the border area.  These kids hugged us as if they knew us so we hugged them back in the same manner. We stood for a really long time just hugging and saying hello.  We did our best to learn the names of the new kids and promised to return the next day. I don't think I have ever had such a warm welcome anywhere.  It was the most wonderful thing to see how happy they were  when they realized we came back to see them.  I am not sure how my heart will take leaving them again but I have a few days and there is much work to do.
We all love to be remembered. I think there is something in each one of us that cries out for acknowledgement.  See me.  Remember me.  Today, the kids just blessed my heart.  They remembered me.  And they were so excited that I remembered them.  If they only knew how much I have thought of them over the past few months, how much I have prayed for them.  For now, it is enough that they know they are worth remembering.  As we drove away on our tuk tuk to our hotel, children screaming and running behind, we felt so much like we had come home.  Yes, it was a good day in Cambodia!

Love from the road,

Julie

Banquet

 “Then he said to his servants, ‘The wedding banquet is ready, but those I invited did not deserve to come. So go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find.’¹⁰ So the servants went out into the streets and gathered all the people they could find, the bad as well as the good, and the wedding hall was filled with guests.
Luke 22:8-10



The banquet
A few nights ago, I was privileged to be able to attend a banquet hosted by an organization called Tamar.  This organization focuses its efforts primarily on providing a way of escape for the the women and men who work in the bars around Pattaya.  They offer a a solution for escape by providing shelter, job training,  and repatriation programs that help the women who are willing to return to their villages and educate others on the truth about the life they were rescued from.
One of the out reaches they host is a banquet.  Prior to the evening they reach out to the bar girls with invitations to come.  The ones who agree are picked up the night of the event.  The bar fee is paid to their owner for the evening and they are brought to a hotel where the banquet is prepared.  I was able to join the group as we went around and picked up the girls.  Some were a bit scared at first bit they quickly realized we were truly just there to bless them.  The banquet was lovely.  We played games-  the kind I used to play in my old junior high ministry days.  They laughed their heads off and it was good to see smiles on their faces.  The meal was elegant and many of the girls at my table had three or four servings.  We spoke through an interpreter and I learned much about their lives.  One girl had just arrived and desperately wanted to go home.  There was a ladyboy at my table.  Ladyboys are actually men who have been hormonally and sometimes surgically changed to resemble women.  Their stories are the most tragic for me.  The face of this ladyboy tugged at my heart.  Such brokenness behind all that makeup.  So much sadness behind the smile.  We had all made jewelry earlier in the day to give to them and when the time came we were able to present them with bracelets and necklaces that had been made especially for them.  The room erupted in tears as we surrounded them and prayed for them.  Many of the girls just sobbed in our arms.  There is not much unselfish kindness shown to them on a regular basis so even the smallest gesture of this is powerful for them.
The great thing about Tamar is that they have everything in place to offer immediate help if the girls want it.  Many of the women who work with the organization came right out of the bars and so they are able to help these girls walk the difficult steps to freedom.
Two days later we were preparing to leave for Cambodia.  Our team was in the lobby of the hotel ready to go when one of the team members mentioned that there was a girl who said she would come to the hotel because she wanted out.  The time she was supposed to arrive had  past and we had a decision to make...go or wait? We decided to wait.  Nothing was more important.  We prayed for her and sat in the lobby just waiting and hoping to see her.
Wen she walked through the doors, we literally cheered and clapped.  She fell into the arms of one of our team members and we all just hugged her.  This was the bravest thing she had ever done.  She came with only the clothes on her back!  Before leaving, we were able to take her to the Tamar center and get her checked in.  The report today is that she is sooo happy to be there.  She is doing well and walking her steps to freedom.  Seriously, I feel so privileged.  Who gets to see this?  A life completely changed.   So many of the girls at that banquet are now taking part in the drop in English classes and job training.  The ladyboy at my table prayed to receive Jesus in his heart.  He wanted to receive and feel the love of God  and that is a prayer I know God answers.
It is important to note that all the girls at the banquet were invited to come by precious women who took the time to seek them out, connect with them, and prepare for them.  I think we can do this.  We often pass people on the streets who look very different from us  like that ladyboy, or who are behaving in a manner that is not suitable to us, like the bar girls, but what if we decided to stop, connect and prepare to show them kindness.  What would happen in our communities?  I encourage you to prepare a banquet of kindness today for whoever God puts on your heart. Remember God leads with kindness and we would do well to follow in His steps.

Love from the road,

Julie

Bunk Beds

 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called 

to one hope when you were called

EPh 4:4

Bunk beds
How many countries does it take to build a bunk bed? 
Today we went out to a place called the Mercy Home.  It is a home for at risk and abandoned children. Some of the children rescued from trafficking live here and have found a home where they can heal and grow in safety.
Our job was truly just to bless them. There are thirty children who live here and as you can imagine, there is a lot to do. Our teams split up to help.  Some cleaned, some ironed, I joined a few other team members and our job was to put together a new bunk bed.  How hard could that be? Two Canadians, two Americans building a bed from Sweden, we got this.  
When we opened the box we found about a hundred boards and a bag of bolts and other hardware in a bag the size of a shoebox.  There seemed  to be a million pieces to this puzzle.  None of us were necessarily mechanical so I knew we were up for a challenge and a few laughs.  As we surveyed the huge box of boards wondering where we would even start, I noticed the two Thai drivers  we had hired watching us.   At least if they have to be here all day, they can be somewhat entertained.  
One woman in our group is a Pastors wife and she is just one of those people who wreaks organization so she grabbed the forty page instruction sheet, I grabbed the hardware and we set out get the bed built.  The drivers stepped closer. At first the process was nothing short of chaos, everyone had an idea how to solve the bunk bed puzzle but we were not getting anywhere.  We decided to stop, and begin at the beginning paying careful attention to each step.   We organized the boards and separated the hardware. We discussed what the arrows on the pictured instructions actually meant and pretty soon we had our first boards laid  out on the ground with hardware ready.  Funny thing is as we tackled each step,  we began to see how all the pieces would actually fit together and we got a vision for the finished project.  The Thai drivers began pointing and gesturing to us to turn the boards  this way or that.  Now those of you who know me will testify that I am not exactly known for my coordination so when I set out to out put in the first bolt/ anchor thingy,  I think the drivers realized we were in need of some help. One of them walked over and squatted on the ground next to me smiling and watching the struggle over this bolt.  After about a minute he reached out his hand gesturing for me to get out of the way and give him the screwdriver thingy.  I handed over the tool to him and he went to work.  The second driver joined in and we were off.  Now neither of the Thai drivers had ever seen a bed like this and they did not speak a word of English.  We did not speak a word of Thai but somehow we all knew what needed to be accomplished and what we had to work with so we fell into a a beautiful rhythm.  The Pastors wife figured out the next step, I would hand out the hardware and appropriate boards and the remaining team members and drivers actually put the bed together.  We were joking and laughing about how it took  four countries to make one bed,Canada, United States, Thailand and of course Sweden!  Towards the end of the project, I had to run back to the house and when I returned I found the two Thai drivers working on the bed alone, finishing up the last pieces of the puzzle by pounding in the hundreds of small pins that hold the bed.  Before driving us out, they did not know each other but now they had become friends.  Afterwards we all stood staring at this bunk bed and feeling quite proud. And then three countries gathered around one Swedish  bed and we joined together and prayed a blessing over it.  "God,  bless the little children who will sleep in this.  Thank you that they are protected and safe.  Bless their future." 
Now the kids who sleep in this bed will never know how many countries it took to build it.  They will just know they have a bed that is safe for them to lay their heads upon and that is why we are all here.

 It always seems so strange to me when people who hear about the work In Cambodia make the comment that there are so many kids in America that need help.  Why would I travel so far across the world to help people that are not American? I guess that sounds right to them, but where does that stop?  Wy would I reach out to  someone who doesn't live in my state or city or neighborhood or block.  Where are the boundary  lines drawn. Who gets to draw them?  All I know is that God extended a hand  to all who needed it.  He gave freely to those considered unclean..to the foreigner and to His own so I suppose I am in good company. The problem in Pattaya is everyone's problem.  Walk the streets and you will see tons of Americans, Europeans, Canadians and people of every nation.  Many are here to contribute to the problem so I suppose it is only right that some are here to solve it.  Like that bed, there are a million pieces that right now don't seem to make a lot of sense but the vision is clear. Like those drivers, I was chosen to come here as were the other team members.  Those who live here are seeing the work  and joining in.  I believe one day, the world will make sense of this and the children will be able to lay their heads down in this country and sleep in safety. 
So I ask you today?  How many countries does it to take to build a bed.  The answer - as many as are called!
What are you building today?

Love from the road,

Julie

Lay down your life

 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.

1 John 3:16

Lay down your life
There are many organizations doing great work here in Pattaya.  They come to serve the poor, rescue women from the slavery of trafficking and share the love of God with the people on the streets.  I come for the children.  It has been so difficult to be on the streets at night and watch them pass by.  I wonder if they are with a parent or someone who is selling them.  At first it is hard to tell but if you look close enough, you will see them.  Children being followed or led around by pimps or mama-sans.  At first it looks somewhat normal but then you have to wonder, why would a kid be alone, or alone with a man in this part of town late at night.  Look closely and you will see so much in their eyes.   The typical  process to buy time with a child on the street is that a man will stop the pimp, inquire about the child and be led to or told to go to a place where they will meet to do whatever it is they bargained for. My first night out on walking street, I saw a little girl, an old man, a mamasan and a transaction.  The street was so crowded and  after the apparent conversation the child was escorted away.  I lost them in the crowd of people. Not too much later, another child passes  being led by a questionable man. As she looks up at me, I could tell she has hand marks on her face.  Since all they are doing is walking on the street, there is nothing the police can do.  The most important thing we can do is watch, identify them, see if we can find an opportunity to speak to them without the handler hearing,  and ask them how they are and if they need anything.  if possible, it is helpful to get a picture of them so the people that work here full time can be on the lookout. The police are incredibly short staffed and the laborers in this field focusing on the children are so few.  That is why the little we can do while we are here is helpful to them.  At least in a tiny way, we can be their eyes and ears. The process of rescue is heart wrenchingly slow and complicated.   The law here regarding this situation is nothing short of frustrating.  In order for the police to take a child they must either hear directly from them that they are being sold and express a desire for help, which almost never happens.   Or they must be caught in the act with a predator.  The chance of a child telling the truth is slim.  They live in terror and most of the time they are horribly drugged so that they cooperate and endure the torture they are put through. It's enough to break your heart in a million pieces,
 As I think about the few people who are working tirelessly on the streets here, I wonder how they do it night after night seeing the faces of these kids and moving through the broken processes of the law to rescue.  What kind of people are these who put aside their entire lives to fight what seems like such an uphill battle for children they don't even know?   I can tell you one thing for sure...these people are rare and they are precious.  They are living examples of the gospel of Christ,  people who have made a choice to lay down their lives, and give up their hearts to be broken if it means that even one little child can escape this terror.

Their efforts are making a difference one child at a time.
They deserve our greatest respect and our utmost support.

Find someone today who is laying their life for others and do something to support and encourage them.
Love from the road,

Julie

Walking Street

For the Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost."

Luke 19:10

For the son of man came to seek and to save the lost

Luke 19:10

Walking Street

Pattaya is known to be one of the most popular destinations for sex tourism in the world.  It is difficult to explain this city at night. The streets are literally jammed packed with foreign tourists who come, sometimes by the bus load, to walk the bar laden streets.  Most of them are looking for sexual opportunities. It pretty much does not matter what it is they seek,  sex with women, men, sex shows of every kind, even  the opportunity to participate in horrific acts of torture  and cruelty to these young women, anything can be found here. Walking street is the main thoroughfare of this area.  It is wall, to wall, to wall bars filled with young girls and boys who are willing to sell themselves to any interested foreigner.

  I learned that most of the girls come from  the poorest villages of northeast Thailand.  Their stories are all so similar.  They come herewith great hope that they will find jobs and be able to support their families back home.  The majority of them see this as their greatest opportunity to find a foreign husband who will take care of them and their families. The common misconception about Pattaya is that it is a city of great opportunity for them but they have NO idea what really goes on until it is too late. They remain in the bars hoping one day a foreign man will like them enough to marry them and provide security for their future. Sadly, it is not long before many of them are bought by the wrong man and it is common for most of them to have been beaten, gang raped and abused in the course of their nightly duties.

The tourists who come here are very interesting to me. Of course you would expect to find the groups of young men, several young girls in tow, drunk, drugged and out for a good time, but it is the old men I seem to notice more. Walking Street is full of them.  Old men, many who appear to be the type from a purely physical standpoint that might struggle socially at home, fill the streets.  You see them walking hand in hand, shopping, and eating at restaurants with very young girls in tow.  The look of pride on their faces is what caught my eye.  They have come here and purchased time with this girl, often by the week or month but it is apparent most of the time that they believe the girl is really interested in them and it makes them feel good even powerful, for the time being.  Pattaya has an enormous suicide rate for this demographic as these men quickly realize when the money runs out, the girls runs with it and once again, they are slammed with the same  rejection that broke them and  drove them here in the first place.  Some really believe this is an opportunity to find a girl who will love them and  It is a cruel, deception that ends badly.I know  it might seem to be a reasonable ending based upon sick behavior but that is not my call to make.  I can't let my mind go down that road.  They are broken, deceived and lonely.  It is so sad.

It is funny but as I thought about it, I  was  also on walking street seeking an opportunity. It was my intention tonight to seek out those people whose hearts were ready and who needed somebody to come along and remind them that there is hope for them.  These people are not hard to find.  Sit down and buy a drink in any bar and start up a conversation.  You will most likely end up hearing a story that will break your heart. 

I believe Pattaya is indeed a city brimming with opportunity. Depending on what your opportunity looks like this can be a wonderful thing.   I can see why the heart of God would beat so strongly for this place because he is always seeking  an opportunity to save the lost, extend beauty for ashes and joy for tears.  

The truth is no matter where you live, there are opportunities to speak life and hope to the broken.  Every day if you choose it to be can be a day of opportunity for you to partner with God in his seeking!  

Love from the road,

Julie

  

Hatred

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven

Math 5:43

Hate

Day one.  We hit the streets early today. Breaking up into teams,  our goal was to saturate the downtown brothel area with prayer.  We would be returning to most of these streets later in the evening but it is really important to begin any outreach effort with prayer to the only one who could possibly have any power to change this situation.  My team was given the assignment to walk the territory where the  kiddie brothels are located.  This is a street known for the trafficking of young children and a gathering place for pedophiles.  In order to get to it you have to first walk through an area  of brothels that is known  not only for the the trafficking of humans but other things such as guns, drugs etc. It is rough to say the least but you must walk through it to get to the place where the children are.   As it was the middle of the day, there were not many tourists out on the streets but there were several men sitting in the doorways of each establishment smoking their hookah pipes and glaring as we went by.  It was clear that we did not belong there. The moment we entered this area I could feel pure hatred like I have never felt before.  The eyes of these men were fixed upon us in angry stares and I was certain that the intent was to intimidate and frighten us.  As  I looked at these men knowing what they do and seeing first hand the cruelty they inflict on so many innocent people, indignation rose in my spirit and I wanted so badly to stare right back at them with the most hatred I could muster.  I knew however that to partner with them in their hate would make me as much of a prisoner of it as they were.  I chose to walk straight down the middle of the road returning smiles for glares and blessing for cursing.  I sent up quiet prayers not only for the women and children held captive  inside the walls of these buildings but for the ones who have made themselves prisoners to the execution of unthinkable violence, and hatred.

We passed through that neighborhood  and rounded the corner to the place where the child brothels are.  This is a group of buildings that house room  upon room of children both little boys and girls who are sold to pedophiles for sex.  Some of the buildings even post pictures of the children for sale and as I see this,  the battle for my emotions rages.   It is difficult to seek a God who IS all consuming love while you are consumed with hatred so I had to make the choice to walk through this nightmare of  a place with my eyes firmly fixed on Jesus remembering that the sin of man such as I saw today was enough to kill Him but not enough to hold Him because Love will always triumph over evil. 

I hope to get back to this area at night.  I have learned that very few people are willing  to go there to pray or to help.  It is a dark pit of a place and something must be done.  Pray for our team as there are a few of us who  are willing to go!

Love from the road

Julie

Keep calm

Hebrews 12:1 (NKJV)

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses,

 let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, 

and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

The trip out to Thailand was nothing short of hilarious.  To begin with I realized at five in the morning that the airport I was flying in to on my first leg was not the airport I was flying out of on the second leg.  The airport I was flying out of was actually two hours away.  I know what you are thinking..rookie error and you are right.  As I shared that with my husband I could sense that he was worried, as I was,  but at that moment I made a decision not to stress out and add to his concern but to  keep calm and carry on. I  went into the next room and called the airline.
 "There are no seats available on the flight that you need."  Not what I wanted to hear from the agent.
Keep calm..
 " Please check again"  I said and as she put me on hold I simply sent a  prayer up to heaven. You see,  I know God can easily find me a seat on a plane..how hard is that for the God that created matter?
"Actually, I was wrong, there is a seat on that flight.  Would you like me to put you on it?"
"0f course and thank you!"   Carry on.
I had some frequent flyer mileage and so I used it to upgrade my ticket so that I could sit in the seats that fully recline and get some much needed sleep on the thirteen hour flight to Japan.  After the plane took off,  we realized that the whole row of seats I was sitting in was broken and the seats would not recline. Thirteen hours sitting straight up caused panic in my heart.  The plane was fully sold out and the flight attendants were incredibly sympathetic but had no options.  The man next to me was very angry and the attendants took the brunt of his anger. I realized I had a choice. I could keep calm and carry on knowing that there was nothing they could do and choose to be kind and gracious towards them,  or I could exercise my right to make them miserable.. Either way my seat was going to remain broken..  I chose calm, thanked them for trying and  made the best of it which I know they appreciated. They took really great care of me during the flight,  genuinely thanked me, and  wished me luck on my mission as I left.
Two flights and thirty hours later I arrived in Thailand to find that my driver had the incorrect time and was not at our meeting place. Keep calm and carry on. At this point it was after midnight and the lack of sleep was getting to me. keep calm and carry on.  I finally found my driver and began the journey to Pattaya. In the course of communication I also discovered I had neglected to request my own room for the mission..rookie error number two...so  I would be  be sharing a room when I got to the hotel.  This is  not typically something I am comfortable with.  I am an old lady set in my ways. Sadly, I don't
 share space well.. Keep calm and carry on.  I arrived at the hotel after two in the morning.  The front desk person, hotel  manager and two security personnel had a difficult time understanding that, yes I know someone is in the room with my name on it.  We are sharing.  Yes I know her.  We are room sharing.  I am supposed to be with her.  I realize she is already checked in but I also need to check in to the same room and yes you can DO THIS FOR ME because I  am tired and my seat didn't work and I couldn't find my driver and I haven't slept much in thirty hours and  am trying to keep calm and carry on!  After much discussion I was allowed to go upstairs to my room.  It was my intention to get a room by myself the next day but as I lay there thinking about the sweet 19 year old kid who was to be my roomie for the next week I realized that staying would give me an opportunity to bless her both in a financial way by sharing the room cost and also by just being a good example of Christlikeness.  Carry on!
I plopped down in bed at almost three in the morning expecting to sleep and my mind, which was still on San Diego time decided to wake up and wanted to mull over all the moments of the past thirty six hours.  That is a road I cannot let myself go down so I make a decision to keep my thoughts calm and carry on.
  I love that God created me with the ability to choose what I think about and the  strength  to choose wisely.

Love from the road,

Julie

Fear or faith

There is no fear in love because

 perfect love casts out fear.

1 John 4:18

Returning
So much has happened since my return from Cambodia last November.  The transition home was harder than I could have imagined.  How do you get back to "normal life" knowing what you know and seeing what you have seen?  How do you release your emotions and allow yourself to move about your life with joy?  How do you not feel guilty? I found  the key to the transition home was to simply continue to do what God put in my heart to do.  Tell the story of the kids..  And so I have... To just about anyone who will give me the time and would listen.   The ladies at the sandwich shop, the nurse at the hospital who took care of my husband during a recent stay, my co workers, family, friends.  The story has become a part of who I am.  I have given my heart to it. The love God has put in my heart for the children compels me to speak without fear.
From the moment I said goodbye to the kids,   I knew I would have to return if for no other reason than to see them and let them know there are people who love them and who are fighting for them.  The kids need to know that they are not forgettable because they are not! i see their faces in my prayers and thoughts of them are never far off.  They are precious and important.  Who doesn't need to know that?
So here I am on a plane bound for  Bangkok once again.  It is sooner than I thought I would be returning but the timing was right to go and so once again, my sweet husband put me on a plane almost twenty four hours ago, kissed me goodbye and said his last prayers over me.  I am incredibly proud of him because it is never easy being the one left at home let alone putting your wife of over 27 years on a plane headed to a foreign country by herself because she wants to rescue children.  The truth is  his love for the kids and for the work that is being done there overcomes any apprehensions he may have.  He is choosing love.
 Before I left, I got a text from my mom.  It said, " We are nervous but we are proud! " it blessed my heart because I realize no matter how old I am, I am still their kid and the fact that they are willing to step beyond their own fear out of a greater love for this  mission is pretty  awesome.
You see, perfect love casts out fear.   I think this is what it boils down to in everything. We get to choose love or fear!  Love compels us to give, fear compels us to withdraw and hold back.  We choose between the two everyday.  Think about it. What fears compel you today and what would happen if you were able to choose love instead. Well I am not sure what that looks like in your life but in mine it looks like one more airplane ride across the globe.

Love from the road,

Julie
Once again, you can follow this blog for updates on this trip.    Along with checking on the kids in Poipet, I will be joining another rescue team in Pattaya Thailand which is a  world center for child trafficking.

Same but different

      

 ...that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 

 may be able to comprehend with all the saints 

what is the width and length and depth and height

 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; 

that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.                            

Ephesians 3:17-19

Same Same...but different!

Almost Home!  I am so excited to see the map of California on the flight tracker.  I feel like I have been gone for a lifetime and the further away I get from Cambodia, the harder it is to find a place to stand with my heart divided between two places.  It is nighttime back in Cambodia. Some of the the kids are looking for a place to sleep.  Some are trying to get home.  Most are trying to avoid the ones they fear the most. The ones who hurt them.  It wrecks my heart to think about it but I let the tears flow?  I have made a decision never to be ashamed of these tears.  It  is morning here and  I can see the sun rising outside of the airplane window. As we prepare for landing, I begin to gather up my things and my thoughts and I prepare myself to greet my husband and family.  Everyone is so  happy to have me home and they are eager to hear the stories of the past few weeks, but truth be told, this scares me a bit.

But that is what I do.  I see things and I tell stories.  The difficult part for me right now is that many of these pictures and stories are  deeply connected to the heartbreak and suffering of children who I have come to know and love . Some of these stories will take a while to process before I can speak of them at all, but these are the things that I must talk about until the children are safe.   This is what I went to see and telling their story is what God has prepared me to do.

There was a  shirt that many of the team members wore on the trip.  The front says...SAME SAME and the back says..BUT DIFFERENT!

In so many ways I am coming home the same.  I believe that this mission validated what I know to be my strength and my purpose.  My resolve to share the truth of God's love to whoever He puts in front of me has not changed.  Whether that is at home in San Diego or across the world in a tiny village in Cambodia doesn't really matter.

In that way, I am coming home the same as I left.  BUT... God has allowed me a greater glimpse of  his heart for the lost and the hurting. I have been privileged to see their beauty, and their pain. This has radically shifted my thinking and  deepened my understanding of Him in ways that I cannot begin to communicate.

The kingdom of Heaven is like this.  God has made us complete in Him through Christ and the gifts and calling upon our lives are irrevocable.  As a new creation, complete in Him and filled with the Holy Spirit we will remain the same until Jesus ushers us home. And yet, as we follow Him,  our understanding of His ways will continue to grow, and the  revelation of His love towards us will forever amaze us for it 

Him and filled with the Holy Spirit we will remain the same until Jesus ushers us home. And yet, as we follow Him,  our understanding of His ways will continue to grow, and the  revelation of His love towards us will forever amaze us for it is truly more than we could ask for or imagine.  We remain hidden in Him and we will move from glory to glory to glory, to glory! 

SAME, SAME...BUT DIFFERENT,

Love from home,

Julie